I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
