I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
