these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
