Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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