sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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