we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
