I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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