it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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