Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
