fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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