as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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