perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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