Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
