Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Small penises have feelings too.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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