I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
