the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
