You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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