i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
