omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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