whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
