first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
