So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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