I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
