he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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