You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
