Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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