Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
