She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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