I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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