Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
