Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
