Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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