Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
