the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
