No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
