Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no