After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
