I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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