I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
