I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
