So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
