It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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