I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
