I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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