no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
