thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
