I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
time to smoke my breakfast
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
