the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
