we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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