U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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