Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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