just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we should paint friendship bongs
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