Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
