So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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