it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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