you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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