please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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