1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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