Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
