Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
