Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
