HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
