so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
