If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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