I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
