I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
