explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
