I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
