I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sext me about skeletons
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
