This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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