Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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